Valentines Romance Tips for Women with a Chronic Illness
“Hot and bothered!” For most people these words create images of being twisted up in sheets, breathlessly reaching out to the one you love. For those with chronic illness, however, “hot” is more likely to refer to one’s thyroid condition, night sweats, or a heating pad on high. “Bothered. . .” Well, let’s just say when your body aches, everything makes you feel bothered: a cat that won’t move off your leg, a joint that continues to throb, and a husband that is able to snore through minor earthquakes. It can be hard to be romantic!
Most people don’t realize that nearly 1 in 2 people live with a chronic illness in the U.S.A. And when it comes to marriages, chronic illness and mental illness, does not have a good impact! Seventy-five percent of marriages end in divorce. It takes more than Valentine’s Day romance a few days a year to keep a marriage alive and romantic.
So! How do you get the spark back? Here are some creative romantic gift ideas and ways to say, “I love you.”
Put forth some effort. No more excuses. “I’m so exhausted, I don’t feel that great. My body feels like it was run over by a truck.” I’ve said them all. But guess what? If you have an illness you’ll probably always be tired in a way normal people aren’t tired. So put on some music and relax. The distraction of romance can make you forget about a great deal of the pain!
Prioritize romance. Cleaning the house all day Saturday and then claiming you’re “just too tired” can make your spouse feel that he isn’t as important as your own agenda. Get some rest so you can at least have a decent conversation without falling asleep.
Be enthusiastic during your romantic evening. Even if you’re just going out for dinner, don’t say, “I’m doing this just for you. I don’t really feel like it.” (Oh, yeah, that will turn him on.) Smile and talk about pleasant memories or dreams you have. Promise yourself not to talk about your illness for just one night.
You don’t have to write romantic love poems. Just put together a mini-album of your favorite photos and include notes about your memories and how much he means to you.
Surely your spouse does some things for you without complain. Does he bring home your favorite ice cream? Throw in a load of laundry? Never expect you to iron or serve a five course meal? Write down all of the things you notice he does that you don’t usually thank him for and give it to him as a special appreciation note.
Women, get over feeling self-conscious and buy some underwear that doesn’t look like your grandmother’s.
Learn to text message with your phone and send him a messge that says something out of character for you. Be outrageously romantic, just make sure you send it to the right person in your phone book!
Design some simple home-made coupons for something he would enjoy but typically wouldn’t do because he feel he needs to take care of you or just spend time with you. For example, “Good for 5 guilt-free hours with your friends watching baseball.” Don’t even make him feel badly for doing things you can’t do like taking a hike or going for a roller coaster ride.
Perfect marriages don’t exist. But they can be one of the most amazing experiences in your life when both people are involved in keeping it alive. In fact, the existence of a chronic illness in a marriage can make your relationship even stronger. Romance comes in many forms. I know I loved my husband more than ever the evening I literally couldn’t move when I had a rheumatoid arthritis flare and he slept on the floor beside the couch to comfort me every time I moved or screamed out in pain.
Love comes in many forms. One of the books I’ve bought all the couples in my life is “Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires, the Respect He Desperately Needs” by Emerson Eggerichs. Men often feel loved when they are respected, women want to feel loved. Usually we are offering our spouse what we wan’t, not what they need. Being aware of all of the little things we do each day that give one another love and respect, add up to romance when you least expect it.
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